5 types of people to ignore

I’m not a people person at all. I’d rather watch a sitcom and eat pizza at home than dress up to go for a party. Making conversation with a bunch of people is not my forte – it’s way too much effort. I need to rehearse some of my lines and hope I get an opportunity to deliver them, and if I do, then it has to come across as spontaneous, not forced. Too much pressure.

I always worry about what to do with my hands when I’m not holding a glass or not pretending to be busy on my phone.

Yet, over the years, I have made efforts to meet new people, make new friends, and it has been rewarding in so many ways. It has made me realise that there are plenty of people who’ve had worse life journeys than me, and who I can relate with and have meaningful, honest conversations with. Doesn’t matter if I’m socially awkward.

It has also helped me re-assess some of my own friendships. You remain friends with some people in your life because you were in the same college, same hostel, same room, same school, same neighborhood, but somewhere down the line, their masks drop and you see them for who they really are. And you don’t like what you see.

You understand that they’ve changed for the worse – you sense it in their accents (the way they suddenly seem to roll their Rs and Ls), in the fake hurried, busy tone they talk to you, in the way they always seem to brag about the parties they went to, in the way they seem to always cancel their plans to visit you, in the last minute, without even bothering to call, because ‘something just came up’, in the way they subtly put you down in front of people or feign happiness for the good things that happen in your life, when deep down they couldn’t care less.

I have categorized some of these people, so it’s easy for me to not take them too seriously.

Special snowflakes

These people were/are obviously pampered by their family, so they grew up believing they are unique and awesome, and everyone else is shit. Also, no one has ever told them the truth – they suck. They never know what it’s like to fight for something – everything’s handed to them on a platter. Yet, they screw it. But it’s not their fault, because they are frikkin special.

Self-righteous bores

The ones who seem to have solutions to all problems plaguing the world today – from the internet to ISIS to consumerism to relationships, but feel that they are somehow beyond these petty issues and other worldly pleasures, because they did Yoga once, or tried to be vegan at some point. Well, you are part of the problem, peeps.

Big talkers

In school, we were told that empty vessels make the most noise. It’s usually the first thing that comes to my mind when I’m with people who can’t stop talking about these big plans they have for themselves. They usually don’t follow it up with action. I never trust these people. Shut up and do something already.

Superficial douchebags

I have seen some people I know turn into shallow, superficial douchebags in front of strangers and other friends – they flutter their eye lashes annoyingly often, nod more vigorously and do that little fake-laugh thing, pretend to enjoy dubstep when they have no idea who or what it is and speak with a fake accent (I don’t understand why a lot of people do this in India. Like, how do you pick up a British or American accent while having lived all your life in south India? Also, why does that accent come up only when you talk to some people?). Besides, they don’t seem to have a grasp of anything they talk about – they know things at a superficial level, but not deeply enough to have a full-fledged conversation around it. You know what I mean? They kill my vibe.

The I-Me-Myself person

Granted, we are all narcissistic at some level, but there are people who take it up a notch and cross that respected thin blue line that separates tolerable from irritating. All conversations have to revolve around them; if not, they steer these conversations to make it about them. And they are not even interesting things but mundane details on what they cooked, how everyone raved about their amazing brownies or how that hot guy couldn’t stop checking them out. Well, you are flattering yourself folks. Also, no one wants to listen to you.

So now that this is out of the way, I can focus on all the good people in my life whom I love.

Don’t look back in anger

I am quite angsty. If you’ve been reading my blogs, you’ll know that I tend to get somewhat annoyed with people in general. But if you meet me in person, I’m not all that angsty. I can be surprisingly pleasant and friendly, even funny. Because that’s how I am as a person. It’s only when I sit and think of things I hate and worry about, that all my negative emotions surface. It’s weird that I actually set apart time to obsess over things I hate.

I was talking to my friend (after a long time) last night and we were both excited about how much we have in common. Sadly, it turned out they were not exactly happy, positive things. For instance, we’d both had rough journeys right from childhood, had gone through depression and had overcome some pretty difficult times. Which we realised made us stronger, but unfortunately very bitter too.

We spoke about how we are bitter that people we know and love (like our close friends) have it so easy in life. It’s not fair that people have fancy beach weddings, supportive families and shitloads of money, when we had to work our asses off and risk everything to get what we wanted. It’s not fair that they get to travel the world and do anything they want, when we were never allowed to do any of that and even if we wanted to, it would have involved way too much unnecessary family drama; and besides, we were too busy dealing with much bigger issues and even thinking of something as luxurious as a solo trip or a night out was out of the question. So, while we are happy for the people we love, it’s difficult not to compare our journeys with theirs, and be a bit jealous too, in the process.

Does that make us terrible people? Are we being smug and snobbish? I don’t know, because I’d like to believe that deep down, we are nice people. We are fun, and we love our friends. Also, we feel terrible about ourselves for being so bitter, although we are not rude or hurtful when we speak to these people. Do we just embrace this quirk and live with it the rest of our lives, or should we change our attitude and work at being less angsty and hence, happier?

Of course, the latter, because don’t we all want to be positive and happy? So, here’s a thing I read somewhere. I’ve started applying it in my everyday routine and with time, I’m sure it will help. It involves writing down at least three positive things that happened during the day that you are thankful for. I’ve been doing it every night before going to bed, since last week. I’m hoping that I will soon be able to appreciate and respect everyone’s journey and feel genuinely happy for them without any tinge of bitterness. At least, that’s the aim.

Also, this little exercise helps people like me who are always seeing the worst in every situation. It forces you to focus on positive happy things, thereby shielding negative emotions. So instead of obsessing over things you hate, you can now start obsessing over things you love. And delight in small victories, so you don’t feel the need for someone else to appreciate you all the time.

In other news, my favourite band Alt-J is coming to Delhi next month and I’m super excited. Hence, Alt-J playlist on loop all of today, here and here

Pet peeves 3: Armchair activists

… And, by that, I don’t just mean all those people who want you to sign a petition online to save the world from a zombie apocalypse (some of these petitions actually work, I’m told), but I’m particularly targetting these self-proclaimed experts and self-righteous people on social media and the real world who hide their flakiness behind well-articulated world views just so they appear intelligent. These slacktivists obviously do nothing constructive but would like you to believe that their views alone are revolutionary and can miraculously heal the world. But of course, they wouldn’t be ‘doing’ anything, because it’s well, beneath them, and most importantly, it will involve them leaving their armchair. Also, deep down, they are quite shallow. (See what I did there?)

So, you call yourself a communist? Pray tell me how much did you pay for that branded Che Guevara tee shirt you are wearing? I’m sure you picked it at an expensive shopping mall in Milan, where you went jet skiing, stayed at a fancy resort and complained about the thread-count in your pillow. Basically, everything Che stood against. You never miss an opportunity to talk about how strongly you feel for your local tea seller who is losing business to bigger cafes and hotels; but why are you always ‘checking in’ from fancy five-star hotels and posting pictures of dishes that have unpronounceable names such as kasknopfle?

Why say things you don’t mean? I have real respect for people who actually walk the talk. Or people who are unapologetic about who they are and what their views are, because at least they are being honest. I would trust them. But all these pretentious folks who wax eloquent about social media killing real human interactions, all the while ignoring the person sitting next to them because they were too busy typing out their thoughts on social media; or the ones who write poetry about the death of their mother tongue (in English, mind you), and how we must all be taught in our local language, when the said person is clearly from a privileged background who is making money simply because he/she is well-versed in English. Is it supposed to be ironical? Am I missing the sarcasm here? Because people, I don’t get you. And I don’t get why everyone is gushing over your ‘works’. I’m not jealous, just plain confused, because you are giving me mixed signals here and I don’t really understand what you stand for.

I’m a simple person. And I have opinions. But like I mentioned in a previous post, I am a doer. I am the kind of person who says what she means; and would actually make an attempt to ‘do’ something, and not just ‘talk’. For instance, to use an example I have already used in a previous blog (it’s a subject I feel strongly about;)), I wouldn’t normally brag about how great my culinary skills are or how good a host I am. But if you come visit me, I’ll ensure I make you good food and take good care of you. And you may not even compliment me for doing that because you are insecure, but that’s okay, because deep down I know I’m good; I’ve tasted your food, I’ve been at your parties, and I’m sorry, they are not as great as you make them out to be. I’m telling you this because another pet peeve of mine is people who clearly possess no cooking or hosting skills bragging about how amazing their food is and how everyone loves their parties. It’s all so negative I don’t even want to write about it! It makes me whiny and rambly – qualities I’m trying to get rid of.

Well, anyway, what can I say. Fakers gonna fake, but good old fashioned honesty always wins. So, dear armchair activists, kindly shut up and ‘do’ something; if you want to brag, do something awesome and then tell me about it. I would listen without judging you, I’d respect you more. But your empty talks and tall claims make no sense to me.

I’m summing up my thoughts with a quote by Amy Poehler, my hero:

“To some people, not caring is supposed to be cool, commenting is more interesting than doing and everything is judged and then disposed of in, like, five minutes. I’m not interested in those kinds of people. I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails or looks stupid; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell and laughs.”

Pet peeves -2: Humblebragging

There’s a new crop of people I have been coming across of late. I couldn’t quite explain their type articulately until Urbandictionary came to my rescue with the genius term ‘humblebrag’ which, in my opinion, best describes this species. Here’s Urbandictionary nailing it:

Subtly letting others now about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or “woe is me” gloss.

“Uggggh just ate about fifteen piece of chocolate gotta learn to control myself when flying first class or they’ll cancel my modelling contract LOL :p #humblebrag”

Well, the above example is just a mild case of humblebragging. And as you might have guessed, there are various degrees, depending on your tolerance levels. And my tolerance for fake, pretentious people has hit an all-time low. Which is one of the perks of growing up, I guess.

But I must admit that when some of my friends ‘humblebrag’ on social media and outside of it, I often wonder if I must call their bluff or just let them be. Like this girl who just wouldn’t stop talking about how incredibly busy she is, now that she has a new job and ends every phone call with, oh I have to go for a party now. Or some of my single friends who complain that every guy who talks to them is hitting on them. Or this girl I know who serves average food at parties and gracefully accepts compliments on her cooking skills that come her way, even when the food is clearly not worthy of praise. Okay, I’m majorly nitpicking now, but you get the drift right?

What baffles me is that these ‘humblebraggers’ get appreciated by people more often than people like me who are actually good at stuff (yeah, I’m not humble by any stretch of imagination). Maybe it’s a case of you-scratch-my-back-I-scratch-yours. I don’t like this phenomenon, and I do not wish to participate in any backscratching exercises. Because I am a doer. No, honestly. I mean it in a very matter-of-fact way, as someone who knows myself really well.

I believe in letting my work do the talking. I’d rather bake you an amazing brownie than talk about how great I’m at cooking. I don’t go around publicising my work (or even my blog posts) on social media for the same reason. See, if you are good at your work and other things, it shows. People will recognise it, and appreciate you where it matters. It shows that they trust you and your abilities; that they respect you as a person.

They are aware that you know your shit and you’re not full of shit. Sorry, couldn’t resist it. So you owe it to yourself to churn out work of more epic awesomeness every single time. That’s the kind of brand I want to build for myself – someone who’s great at whatever she does, someone who is reliable and hands-on. I want to be known as someone who gets work done, not someone who simply talks about how cool she is. And I’m proud of myself for getting by without ‘humblebragging’ and ‘backscratching’. Ah, sometimes it frustrates me to no end that I almost want to shake these humblebraggers in my life and tell them: ‘You know what, you suck. You are flattering yourself, you poor delusional soul.’ But I try to be civil and more socially appropriate.

I wonder why we are stuck up on praise, sympathy, compliments? Are we doing things to please people and hence, gain their appreciation or are we doing it for ourselves, irrespective of whether we are noticed or not? That’s another internal conflict. On one hand, I don’t want to brag about my work and skills; but I also want people to notice me and compliment me. But they’ll never know I’m good at something until I publicise it, which contradicts my first point. You see the problem there? Clarity, I need clarity.

In other news, I almost ran into a pole while on my evening walk today, because I was staring at an airplane in the sky, trying to figure out which airline it belongs to. I catch myself staring at people on the road randomly. I’m constantly knocking over furniture and dropping things – mostly my phone. I am worried for myself. I checked the most reliable source in the world – Google – and realised that I have probably had Huntington’s disease all my life. Or even dyspraxia. Also I took a Buzzfeed quiz which confirmed that I have OCD. Well, turning 30 is clearly not going to be a breeze for yours truly.