Someday, somewhere…

You know, there are days when you want to have the most amazing dinner but don’t want to go out, or get ready, or cook. Today is one of those days for me. I have work to do, but I cannot seem to get much done. So, an endless loop of blahness ensues and I’m stuck to my chair, listening to music, looking up droolworthy recipes I have no inclination of trying out. At least not today.

I returned from an extremely satisfying and super relaxing work trip to Mashobra last night. The best part about travel assignments – hotel reviews, in this case – is that it hardly seems like ‘work’. I’m really thankful for these opportunities and I’m proud of myself for making a start in this direction in a new city where I’m just about making friends and building contacts.

I’ve always considered myself a beach bum, but after several trips to the Himalayas, I think I’m turning into a mountain person. Of course, I feel sick to the stomach every time I travel past steep and winding mountain roads. But I would do it over and over again, because the rewards are priceless. Clean mountain air, greenery, pine forests, meadows, stunning views, gorgeous weather, Maggi, chai, great food, friendly locals, beautiful night skies, peace, long walks.

I’d like to retire at the hills, build a small yet tasteful little home with an organic farm, cook food farm-to-table, bake, read, write, invite friends and strangers, musicians and artists. The walls would have photographs, interesting art works, so we never get bored, and never run out of interesting stories to tell. There would always be music playing in the house; I’d have a little verandah overlooking the mountains, which is where we’d chat endlessly and create new memories and make new friends. Someday I’ll share a more detailed plan of what my imaginary home in the hills would look like.

Having it all. Or not.

Okay, I have to admit it. It’s hard to take up work that involves travelling once you are married. Especially if you are a woman.

I’ve only just started freelancing and I have turned down at least 3 travel assignments in one month – and no, it’s not because of M, but I think somewhere deep inside, I felt a tinge of guilt about not being able to take him along. Though the real reason why I turned them down was because I had made other plans on those days already.

Yet, it bothers me sometimes that I cannot just pack my bags and disappear for a week because it’s work. The reason, I guess, is also because M has never done that. He’s never gone on a holiday without me, after we got married; although I have taken off to Goa with my bunch of girlfriends, and gone to my hometown alone to spend time with my family. Also, I hate going back to an empty house – I’d  be okay with it for a couple of days maybe, but I like having M around at home.

M is crazy about travelling and the two of us have had such amazing moments backpacking and planning our holidays together. He doesn’t say it, but I know that he wants to come with me. And I don’t like the idea of asking the magazine or the organisers to allow me to travel with a plus-one. I mean, I would be coming across as weak and dependent, although, in reality, I’m anything but that.

I quite enjoy travelling solo because it gives me the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. Plus I don’t want to turn down work and forgo a chance to write for a magazine and get paid. So I find myself torn between quenching my wanderlust (and building a career I always dreamed of, in the process) and letting it go once in a while to balance it out and be a ‘good wife’ who ‘takes care of her husband and the household’.

Also, it’s funny how every single ‘successful’ journalist or travel writer I have met of late – and I’m talking only about women here – is NOT married. They are single women well into their thirties and forties who don’t have to think twice about flying on short notice, unless they have personal commitments. It kind of reinforces the fact that women cannot, perhaps, have it all, the way men can. I don’t know if I’m fighting a losing battle, but I want to have it all.

It may seem like I’m over-analysing or over-reacting, but trust me, I’m not losing sleep over this or being all passive aggressive with M about this. It’s just a bunch of observations that I’m laying at the table because I know that at the end of the day, M and I don’t really intrude into each other’s professional lives. I just have to work on getting rid of this nagging sense of guilt that grips me every time I make a decision. Maybe then, I will come close to having it all.

Pet peeves – I: Travellin’

It’s okay if you choose not to take the road

Since when did ‘travelling’ become a cool thing to do? It has suddenly become the panacea to all problems. Stuck in a boring job? Oh, you must quit and travel. Ran out of milk? Why don’t you travel? I’m sure travelling is great, but you can’t be all self-righteous about it and preach about the virtues of travelling to people who have no inclination to travel. Or worse still, bragging about how much you love travelling and – this is the worst – putting up a Tripadvisor map marking all the countries/cities you’ve been to, AND proclaiming to the whole world that you have visited 99 countries this year and are planning to visit the 100th in a few months. These people deserve a special kind of hell.

Now, I have nothing against travelling – I quite enjoy it, in fact. But what puts me off is people being all preachy and show-off-y bout it. In essence, travelling is supposed to make you more humble, open you up to new people and experiences. So I suspect that a lot of ‘I-love-travelling’ folks are doing it because it has become fashionable, and are perhaps not tied up with responsibilities – financially and family-wise.

A practical aspect of travelling that these folks fail to take into account is that it is expensive. Granted, you could find cheap deals on tickets, hotels, etc, but it is still going to pinch your pocket at the end of the month, especially if you are not making enough money to begin with, not saving enough, have a fat rent or EMI to pay, or have medical and emergency expenses. So if you tell a guy who has lost his job and has a loan to pay off to travel, he is going to ask you to fuck off. If you like to travel, well, great, good for you. But spare the rest of humanity. Not every one HAS to travel.

Also, it seems like only certain kinds of places can earn you bragging rights as a traveller. If you go to a popular touristy place like say, Shimla or Jaipur, you will be scorned at, by these ‘elitist’ traveler types – you ought to be doing something more quirky, like go to a tiny village in the Himalayas and learn pottery or milk a yak.

That brings me to another point: travelling need not always be about going to offbeat places and doing forcefully ‘quirky’ things. Even among genuine travellers, there are those who still prefer going to regular, familiar places, irrespective of whether they are touristy or not. Because there are several reasons why people travel. Some need a break from their busy lives and might stay in a plush resort by the beach; while some just need to quench their wanderlust and would prefer staying in a cheap dorm with strangers. And it’s stupid to judge either of these people.

Ultimately it all boils down to what you really want to do, and what you can afford to do. And whether you are interested in travelling at all. Trust me, all this shit about travelling making you a better person does not always hold true; some of the best people I know are those who haven’t stepped out of their own towns or cities for whatever reason, while I do know people who travel extensively and they put me off with their ‘look-at-me-i’m-so-cool’ attitude and arrogance. It’s not a generalisation but the bottomline really is: travel if you want to; it’s perfectly normal if you don’t want to.