Your body changes and how!

I had gone to a tailor in my complex to get a couple of blouses done, and she asked me if I had a ‘ measurement ‘ blouse that she could replicate. Nope, none of the old blouses fit me now because I’m much bigger, I found myself saying, with a hint of frustration. And then it started all over again. This ache and longing to get back to my pre pregnancy body, to have a much flatter tummy, to be able to run a 5k without huffing and puffing and giving up midway.

My body has changed in more ways than one would imagine and adjusting to what is now the new normal takes tremendous effort. It helps that I’ve always been a fashion disaster because my wardrobe is full of clothes twice my size; I preferred loose clothes over snug fitted ones as i valued ( and still do) comfort over style, plus hiding food babies is much easier when you wear larger clothes. So while I still fit into most of my pre pregnancy outfits, it’s not the same. Clothes are tighter around the waist and shoulders now, and eight months post partum, my stomach is very prominent, and I feel like I look low key pregnant.

It’s hard to find time to exercise with a baby in tow that one has to manage without ‘the village’. It’s just M and me with D at home, and my day is jam packed with more important things such as nursing D, cleaning her up ( teething poop is the worst and it happens 5-6 times during the day and even in the middle of the night), giving her a bath, making her meals, ensuring she’s well fed, whipping up our meals ( we don’t have a cook), doing and folding laundry, putting D to sleep ( which is definitely a lot of hard work involving bedtime stories and songs from Google Home, among others) and making sure the house has some semblance of order and routine ( slowly giving up on it honestly). It helps that M works from home so we share the load. Coffee is gulped down and is usually cold. Meals are consumed in a hurry. A shower is not more than two minutes long. The newspaper hasn’t been read in days. TV is merely decorative. Books have been lying unread. Self care and grooming ( and I use the word in the loosest possible way) is just down to the basics – brushing and a shower. Who has the time to go to the salon, moisturise and brush hair and all?

So I try and prioritise my day. One some days, I really need extra sleep so I skip the cooking and we order in. Then there are days when I work myself up to a frenzy what with elaborate lunches and ambitious housekeeping projects such as rearranging the kitchen or wardrobes, dusting cupboards etc. For someone like me who can’t stand clutter, it takes a lot of effort into coming to terms with a messy house. My home is happy, full of love and there’s a happy baby on board, so I’m not so obsessive about dust or random things scattered in the living room.

Where does fitness figure in the midst of this beautiful chaos? It does, in the little things. I may not go for a run but I try and eat healthy most of the time. My meal sizes almost doubled after delivery, thanks to constant nursing that leaves me starving sometimes, so trying to pack in more veggies and fibre and less carbs. I try and do some squats and surya namaskars whenever I can, because I enjoy working out at home rather than hitting the gym. But I do these knowing fully well that they’re not going to help me lose tummy flab; that requires more concentrated exercises, but I’m telling myself it’s okay. My body has been through life changing processes and I must respect it, love it and give it all the time in the world to heal. And heal, it does. That’s the amazing thing about our bodies, they are resilient and they’ll do their thing. For now, I’m learning to come to terms with it, eat right, enjoy working out whenever I can and realising that it’s not a compulsion. I don’t have to do something because I should or I can.

I might eventually lose the tummy ( or not) and still may never go back to my pre pregnancy body, but I’m coming to terms with the fact that as long as health and happiness prevail in the home, little else matters. I don’t care about stretch marks, but body weight does bother me sometimes, but on most days, I’m fine with the way things are, and I’m proud for having gone through a complicated delivery ( with two back to back surgeries spanning 90 minutes), surviving the initial weeks of excruciating pain and sleeplessness and having come this far. (Infinitely proud of D for thriving in a hostile fibroid infested uterus and adapting to the new world like a rock star!) This is going to be the new normal from now on, and I’m slowly learning to embrace it and go with the flow. Grateful for this life altering journey that is eye opening in so many ways; really pushes me to be a better person every single day.

Body image, gifts and internet wisdom on relationships

The internet is full of drivel on relationships and sex. Most of it is very age and gender specific too. Such as this godawful list on Huffington Post that claims to de-mystify what women want ‘older men’ to do to them, outside of the bedroom. For some reason it applies strictly to older men, as opposed to younger men, and it is pretty vague in that it doesn’t specify an age range for what it considers ‘older’.

Anyway, it includes profound stuff like foot massages that the guy must give the woman, but no, he must not ask for one in return because then it’s a ‘barter, and not a gift’. Also, the older man in question is expected to patiently teach his woman how to ‘use the remote for the umpteenth time’, because apparently it’s a turn-on. Definitely not for the man, I’m sure. Not only that, the man is expected to plan vacations, be a generous tipper, make decisions, give thoughtful gifts and send flowers. ‘Coz girls run the world, stupid.

Honestly, I don’t get this. I don’t understand how demanding that a guy do all these things for you in a relationship is ever going to make said guy want to stay in such relationship. Also, aren’t you basically just leeching off the guy and being super needy and dependent? How is any of this empowering the woman in the relationship? Would these women like it if the men wanted them to do the same things? Wouldn’t we raise a hue and cry over gender inequality and such?

I’m all for feminism and woman power, but I’m also increasingly aware that things are going slightly mental on this front. It’s because girl power is being used as an excuse by some dumb women to justify their bitchiness and incredible laziness. Like being terribly rude to a random guy on the road for no reason, because well, I’m a feminist. Or being a slob who overeats and doesn’t move her ass, risking obesity and possible heart problems, because ‘real women have curves’.

And if you are a fit woman who exercises and eats healthy, you are scorned upon because you are making the not-so-fit ones insecure. How dare you go around flaunting your toned body when the ‘plus-size’ women are doing their best to promote a ‘healthy and positive body image.’

Why these double standards? Why is a woman’s body always under the scanner? You have to be slim, but not thin, you must have curves; but you must cut all the fat from your curves, otherwise you will look flabby. Plus, if you do have a perfect body, you will be objectified, and at the same time these ‘real women’ will hate you. If you are a plus size woman, you are made fun of, you are asked to lose weight and you end up feeling insecure about yourself.

Will you please stop telling us how we are supposed to feel about our bodies? I am not slim, I’m not fat; I exercise, I walk, I meditate, I try and eat healthy. I may not be losing weight or dieting or aiming to become a model, but I am passionate about a healthy lifestyle. So, sorry I don’t really want to be a part of your body image politics, or justify why my body is the way it is.

OK? Now, back to the Huffpost article. Would I want M to send me flowers, or give me thoughtful gifts based on ‘information shared in our private jokes and private moments’? The answer is NO. I may have joked about wanting something on these lines but please don’t embarrass the two of us by actually buying it. And no disturbing sex toys, thank you.

Don’t give me flowers; they are symbolic and lazy. Also, what am I to do with them? Put them in a vase for a day, and then they die, so I throw them. It’s pointless. That’s the problem with these ‘symbolic gestures’ – they are not practical. Yes, they may be thoughtful, but I believe that it’s not just the thought that counts; sometimes thoughts are immaterial if you are going to suck at implementation. It shows you care, but don’t care enough.

The article also says, “Hint: It is the rare woman who finds appliances thoughtful.” Ah, I may be one of those rare women after all, because appliances ARE thoughtful! Get me one of these, and I swear you will be the most romantic person in the entire universe.

But you know what’s better? Not having to give or receive gifts. I buy what I want and you buy what you want. Easy-peasy. What do you think?